I may be the only mom that has felt this way but extracurricular activities are a gateway to burnout. Don’t get me wrong. I’m here for the discipline, camaraderie and confidence kids get from working towards their 10,000 hours. I just know that there are still 24 hours in a day and last I checked, 9 year olds aren’t allowed to drive. Please let me know if that’s changed.
Even if it’s one activity, the minimum requirement to get good at anything these days is three days a week. I have mom friends that have kids doing multiple activities and they are literally trying to write presentations, make dinner and plan the next family vacation all from the comfort of their minivans. Don’t even talk about if you have more than one kid. You either have to consider if they are doing the same sport like Venus and Serena (I mean, I that clearly worked out) or you have to limit the younger kid’s options to whatever is offered on Tuesdays and Thursdays.
What bothers me most is that it continues to feed into the narrative that you can’t have or do it all for your kids. And do moms need more guilt? Heck no. If anything, I’m sure moms have extra guilt to give back. Oooh. Wouldn’t it be cool if we could use guilt as currency? There’d be lots of mommy millionaires making it rain up in here! I digress…
I’m not here to tell you what to do but I love sharing what I’ve tried in hopes of letting you know that you have options and not just the ones I give to you. So, what do we do about ‘extra, extra read all about it’ curricular activities? We started with the idea of one activity per child and that worked well for our family but something to consider is that your kid can get burnt out if they are doing the same sport over and over again for years without an opportunity to do something else. Right now, we’ve settled on one major activity and a free choice that can rotate based on seasonal interest. For example, if your child plays soccer three days and keeps hounding you about chess (doubtful but hey, this is my example), then sign them up for a virtual or in-person class after school where they can practice their newfound love. If they love chess, keep it going but on the off chance it’s not their thing, then rotate that out and maybe throw in computer coding. Can you tell I’m a bit of a nerd? Anyhow, you get the gist of it.
We have worked it out so there are two days per week where no one has extracurricular activities and I absolutely love them. You might say to yourself, “Yes. These are the days where I’ll morph into Cinderella and cook, do laundry and get as much stuff done as possible since I have extra time”. I take the opposite approach. I try to do as little as possible on our free days so my mind and body actually have time to relax. I order takeout, leave laundry for another day and definitely don’t check emails. My priority is on having fun with the kids and giving myself permission to unplug. What happens is magical. Because they’ve gotten their mommy quota, they eventually move on to playing by themselves or with each other. Then I have time to do something for me without any of the guilt I was so used to carrying around. I know I’m a good mom but it’s important that I create opportunities to FEEL like a good mom.
If your schedule is working for you and your family is thriving in the after school scene then more power to you. Actually, consider writing a couple books for the rest of us. But if you are having trouble keeping your eyes on the road because you’re too busy rolling them to the back of your head as you drive from soccer to baseball to gymnastics, please know you have options. You can choose to go against the grain if that means more time doing the things you love with the people you love. What’s absolutely amazing is that the decision is and always has been up to you.
Namas-do-you!
