I have a black thumb.
I can’t keep a plant alive to save my life.
But even I know that in order to produce lush and vibrant leaves, water must be applied to the roots hidden deep within the soil.
Motherhood feels so hard because not only are we the root, we’re also the gardener.
We spend our waking hours tending to the leaves. Giving them baths, moving roadblocks so they get enough sunlight and meticulously pruning the dried up portions that weigh them down if not removed.
It’s a tireless, thankless job because the leaf has lived its entire life being tended to so it expects to be looked after day after day in the same way it’s always been. Leaves don’t know:
- How much time the gardener spends researching what a healthy leaf looks like.
- How the gardener doubts her own capacity to give the leaf what it needs to grow as it should.
- How much the gardener compares her leaves to those of others in the garden.
If her only role were gardener, she would definitely be nominated annually for horticultural champion of the year. This is what motherhood looks like from an external perspective. As a society, good mothers are defined by the activities they do and the shade of green their children exhibit. But there’s so much more to motherhood than what lies above the surface.
Tucked away where no one can see them are the roots. Without healthy roots, the plant cannot flourish. Would society ever question a gardener who nurtures the root? No. Because it is understood that the health of the root determines the health of the entire plant. So is true for motherhood. The health and wellness of the mother is directly responsible for the health and wellness of the child. Yet, a mother who tends to herself has been incorrectly labelled as selfish.
Before the broadness of self care gets in the way, allow what we know about roots to speak clearly about what is needed for mothers to be considered healthy.
1. Good Soil
Just as roots need nutrient-rich soil to live, mothers need loving and supportive environments. Places where you can show up tired, limp and low and leave encouraged. A safe space where you can be open, honest and vulnerable about the challenges of juggling all that is motherhood. All it takes is one person who just gets you and consistently reminds you of your purpose and God’s plan. Everyone deserves good quality soil that is rich in empathy and deep in love.
2. Water
Roots need water but just like Goldilocks it can’t be too much or too little. It has to be just the right amount. In the same way, mothers need to balance their time and energy fueled by priorities and boundaries. You’ll end up stressed whether you over-extend yourself or undercommit time and effort to what’s truly important. Taking time to find rest and renewal by having hobbies, interests or participating in meaningful activities are like hydration to your soul. Water yourself regularly to stay strong, fulfilled and resilient.
3. Air
It might be surprising but roots need room to breathe or they’ll suffocate. For moms, this looks like taking breaks, having time to think in peace and not feeling constantly bombarded with demands. Being able to unplug from the day’s obligations is not only comforting but necessary. And it should be done without guilt. Without time to hear your own thoughts, you’ll slowly forget how to slow down and check in to see how you’re doing, what you want and where you want to go next. Silence is self care!
4. Space
Roots also need room to grow and so do mothers. This means creating time for personal and professional development that allow you to bloom outside of your role as mother. These endeavors don’t even have to generate income. The goal is to get to know yourself more intimately as you expand your warm and cuddly comfort zone. You’re setting a beautiful example for your kids that we can be more than one thing and that it’s important to honor and nurture the different parts that make us who we are.
Healthy roots in motherhood look like patience when you’re being tried, calm during tantrums and energy after a long day. It sounds like sorcery, right? By understanding and meeting these needs – we can nurture the roots, ourselves – ensuring our entire family can blossom and even bear fruit. Take some time to evaluate which of the 4 essentials you’re missing so you can show up whole not only for your family but for yourself. You can call it self care but I think what we’re talking about here is self-love and based on the above, it’s safe to say that it benefits all parties involved. That’s literally the opposite of selfish. Don’t you agree?
