Do you feel like a rock in a circle of shells? Well, yesterday, I went on a walk at 9am after dropping the kids to school. That’s right. At 9am, I was walking on the waterfront with a friend talking about the future (#livingthedream)! You know what was reinforced for me today that I have always known but didn’t really GET until this year? Our parents were right. The people you surround yourself with can and will have an effect on your progress. If you’re feeling a little out of place in your friend circle, this may be the time to evaluate your tribe.
First, you not only have to know who you are but be clear on who you want to be. For example, I used to gossip with the best of them. There’s something about seeing the look on people’s faces when they hear something juicy. I am ashamed to say that gave me some kind of satisfaction. Now, before you categorize me as evil, I never felt good after gossiping and I think that was God constantly reminding me that I still was a good person. Everyone has bad habits but not everyone wants to stop them. I knew I wanted to do better so I needed to change something or someone(s).
What did I learn? Turns out I can get the same payoff I used to get from gossiping by encouraging someone to do something they have been afraid to do or watching them overcome a major hurdle. So I have stopped writing myself prescriptions for the gossip drug (talkaloxis) and can now focus on lifting others up. Same payoff with no side effects of guilt or shame.
Now, this doesn’t mean you start cutting everybody off in your life but you can make small changes in yourself first and then see who is willing to get on the positivity train with you. Pay attention to how you feel after talking to your “friends” about your goals and dreams. Are they encouraging or do they like to remind you of your past failures? If they are worth it, be real with them and ask them to join the New You Express. Choo choo!!! Don’t forget. A hot minute ago, you were a cynical hater too so give them some time to get on board. Maybe they can’t let go of the hate because there is something in their life they want that they are too afraid to go after. Be each other’s accountability partners and spend more time talking about accomplishments than minding other people’s business.
As adults, I think we lose that Peter Pan magic and shut down our ability to want more for ourselves. Your circle is what keeps the magic going. Make sure it’s strong and most importantly, real. You know these folks will root for you but also tell you when your head is getting too big. I am having the best time reinforcing my circle by reconnecting with old friends and opening my heart to new ones. My wish for you is that you start this too. If there is anything 2020 has taught us, it’s that life is short and we should live it how we want. Call one friend you trust and try to convert them into your accountability partner. It can make all the difference in your journey and who you are when you get to your final destination. Stay connected, friends!
I’m so thankful to call you one of my real friends, Melissa! 🙏🏽 Proud of you for doing what you need to do to make your dreams come true! Keep striving – onward & upward. You have the full support of the OBoyle/Payton household 😃
Ally, thank you for being part of our family. You and Casey are a constant encouragement to me. I truly love the way you tackle life. Inspirational always! 😘
All aboard!!!! Choo choo!!!!
Yes girl. Let’s do this thing!!!
This is so true and so well written and expressed. I feel like we are connected over the water Melissa. I believe this pandemic has given me a moment to refocus. I call it covidpositivity!
I love it. Covidpositivity. Yes! Some of us clearly needed a wake up call and I am just grateful we got it. Thanks, Keish!
Thanks so much for this reminder. Now that the kids have started school I find making new friends with new moms a fun experience. But it’s so important to find the great ones!
Absolutely. We tell our kids all the time to be careful who they select as friends. Best we taks our own advice!
This is so true. Always surround yourself with ones who believe in magic!
Exactly, Allison. A little magic goes a long way especially on a tough journey!
This couldn’t come at a better time. This year has been so hard for so many people but I hope that it’s allowed us some clarity to see what really matters and how important those who surround & support us really are!
Katie, thanks so much. I think this year has been a wake up call for a lot of people about what really matters.
Loved it! #QualityOverQuantity
Amen, girl, and thank you so much!
I love how you said to not just start cutting people off, but to make small changes and allow them time to see if they will support you. I think sometimes we wait til our breaking point and then end up cutting others off without as much as even a warning. This isn’t fair or health either.
Caressa, you are so right. The cancel culture is addictive but if these are people we truly care about and want in our lives, being patient is the best way to help them make the transition.